Tito: Well, Latoya, Farmer Jon says that my mother really liked The Jacksons...whoever they are.
Latoya: Please, call me Toy -- I insist. Funny...that's the same thing he told me. What happened to your mother?
Tito: One day a truck pulled up. Farmer Jon told mother to gather up her things - she was going on vacation! She was so excited. Mother had always wanted to see the world. She must still be having a great time because she never came back.
Toy: That's sad, Tito. Farmer Jon told me that my mother had to go take care of her sick sister in Tulsa. Something to do with sores on her mouth. Whatever it was, it didn't sound good.
Tito: Hey - did you hear that? It sounds like a truck! Maybe mother's finally coming home!
Hi everyone! I'm Richard, your Happy Meat Man! If, for any reason, you aren't fully satisfied with our products, we will give you a partial refund for what you didn't eat. Just be sure to provide proof from a doctor that you were actually poisoned. We can't simply go by the honor system these days...so many lawsuits. Also, we are not liable for those Alzheimer / Mad Cow Disease mix-ups.
Richard: Hello Farmer Jon -- so nice to see you again. What have you got for me today?
Jon: I've got one Holstein to unload. She's a real beaut -- takes after her mother. You remember her from a few years back - striking brown eyes, legs that went on forever.
* sigh * I'm so lonely. I can see Latoya now...basking in the tropical sun, her tail flicking away all kinds of foreign disease-carrying insects. And here I am...still scratching around the same old barnyard. I wonder what she's doing right now...
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Jon: Today's your lucky day, Tito. I know that it's been a little rough with your mother and Latoya being gone. That's why I've decided to do something extra special for you. I've bought you a one-way ticket to the most exclusive turkey resort in the world. It's only for the most elite poultry -- they'll pamper you like nothing you could ever get here.
Since he'll be in the neighborhood, Richard said he would be Happy to pick you up. You'd better hurry -- he'll be here any minute!
Jon: Alright Tito, got everything? Just keep in mind that they might do things a little differently at the turkey resort. It's kind of like Europe in that nudity is more accepted than it is here. Don't be surprised if you see a lot of naked, dimpled flesh.
Tito: This is the best day of my life! You're the greatest, Farmer Jon!
This isn't exactly what I had in mind. Haven't any of you birds heard of deodorant? God, wash your wattle for chrisssake. Where are we going? I thought I was supposed to get a talon massage at noon.
Latoya: I can't believe they deep fried you. That's so white trash. I was consumed by an old money family in Connecticut, accompanied by a bottle of Château Valandraud Saint-Emilion 1995.
Tito: That doesn't change the fact that we both ended up here. Farmer Jon is such a bastard. I wonder what happened to him.
Latoya: Remember Jermaine the Pig from back at the farm? Well, he just got here a couple days ago. Farmer Jon told Jermaine that he was being sent to the spa to get his hooves buffed. However, just as the Happy Meat truck was pulling in, Richard Pryor suddenly lost control and plowed into Farmer Jon. I had heard that he had some kind of drug problem. Farmer Jon was left for dead in the road. Jermaine said, that as he was herded into the truck, he could see the buzzards begin to circle above the body.
